Coach Checking Over Player Funny Put Me in Coach Funny
Jerry Sandusky was actually a pretty successful coach...
... he turned many tight ends into wide receivers.
I don't think my 3rd base coach likes me.
He keeps telling me to go home.
Mild Racism - NSFW
What do you call one white guy surrounded by 5 black guys - Coach
What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys - Quarterback
What do you call one white guy surrounded by a thousand black guys - Warden
Did you hear about the gay football coach?
He turns tight ends into wide receivers
I am on the case prep team in law school. Our new fact pattern is based on the Sandusky Trial. What do you think of my theme for trial?
Coach Toledo may have been head coach of the Cougars, but he was not interested in the cougars. Coach Toledo was interested in the cubs.
The coach discovers he is going to die in a week
He tells his wife: I want to clear my conscience. I have been unfaithful to you, only once, with your sister.
She says: That's okay. I too have been unfaithful to you, only once, with the football team.
Usain's little secret.
Right before the gun shot, Usain Bolt's head coach, from within the crowd yells out, "Congratulations Usain, You've just become a father."
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
A football player is seriously ill
On a press conference the coach of a famous football team announces that their best player, George Dicks, won't be playing in the next game. After the conference a reporter comes up to the coach and asks "Just wanted to check if you're okay with the headline... it'll be 'Team plays without Dicks' "
"Nah, that doesn't sound good. Change it"
So when the coach checked the newspaper the next morning, the headline read "Team plays with dicks out!"
Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?
Arnold Schwarzeneighbor
(OC)
Q: Why did the coach give his football team lighters?
A: They kept losing their matches.
You can explore coach announcer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean coach youngman dad jokes. There are also coach puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with. "Eleven," I replied. "Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.
"No," I said, "I'm their coach."
Why is Cinderella so bad at football?
A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach
B. Because she keeps running away from the ball
Gandalf is the new coach of the Seattle Seahawks.
I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team
Because I hate dealing with parents.
Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.
Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?
Coach.
What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team?
Ciabatta very good!
What did the Grapefruit basketball coach say to the worst player on the team?
You're going to have to ci-tris one out.
Horton must be a first base coach...
Since he hears a who.
Why did the football coach ask for a refund?
He wanted to get his quarterback.
What did the comedy coach tell his worst student after his practice?
"Are you making a Mochrie out of improv?"
Why a centipede cannot fly coach?
Not enough leg room!
What do you call.......
What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
The Voice Coach
Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."
Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, ti, doooh!"
Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"
A White Guy.
If a white guy is surrounded by 3 black guys, he's getting robbed. 30 black guys, he's a football coach. 300 black guys he's a prison guard.
Making Jokes About Racial Stereotypes
What do you call a white man surrounded by 4 black men?
Coach.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 12 black men?
Football Coach.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 40 black men?
Football Referee.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 black men?
Warden.
Best Way To Impress a Girl..
Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"
What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
Coach.
What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys?
Warden.
A french gymnast is getting ready to perform...
His coach walks up and says, "Break a leg!"
What do you call the white guy on a bus full of black guys?
Coach.
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and panties and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
In the 90's Arsenal Soccer Club
Had a player called David Dicks. When he was injured,the Newspaper wrote"Arsenal to play without Dicks". The coach was upset so the Newspaper changed the headline to read"Arsenal to play with Dicks out"... A record number of women attended the match
Why did cinderella quit the soccer team?
Because her coach was a pumpkin and she couldn't get to the ball
Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?
He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.
What happens when you permit your wife to spend extra hours with her tennis coach?
Hopefully a good reason to divorce her.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 12 black guys?
**A Basketball Coach**
What do you call a black guy surrounded by six white guys?
**Police Brutality**
(Again, sorry if I offended you. Just trying to make a joke.)
A bad boxer
During the fight, the boxer swiped the air furiously, but could not hit his opponent.
"How am I doing?" he asked the coach at the end of the round.
"Well, if you keep this up," replied the coach, "he might feel the wind and catch a cold."
Why did the football coach break into the vending machine?
To get his quarterback.
An upset parent walks up to the coach of a local minor league's baseball team, "Excuse me, sir, but don't you think 'The Browns' is a racist name to have for the team?"
The coach replies, "what? No, the name is simply because the uniforms are brown. In fact, to avoid any signs of racism with the name, we don't allow any brown people on the team."
Snoop Dogg goes to a vocal coach
The coach asks him "Can you sing very high?"
Snoop says "I can't sing if I'm not."
A man went out a cold winter day
on the ice and started drilling a hole.
Theres no fish under the ice! a voice said. But the man just ignored it and continued to drill
Theres no fish under the ice! The voice said again. The man got nervous
Is it God speaking? He asked
No the is hockey coach. Now get out of the ice hockey hall!
I got a text from my life coach today.
He said I didn't make the team.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
I want my quarterback!
A football player was late to conditioning practice
His coach asked "Why are you late?"
The player replies "I was shampooing. I always shampoo before conditioning."
What did the North Korean coach say to the figure skater before her competition?
We expect great execution.
What did the coach say after a poor performance?
We expect great execution.
Why was Cinderella so bad at tennis?
Because her coach was a pumpkin
What do you call it when your birthing coach won't come to help you deliver your baby?
A mid-wife crisis
"Breathing is very important when you're swimming," informed my coach.
Quite right. You can't swim when you're dead.
My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...
And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.
I asked my coach if he thought I'd win today's swim meet.
He told me, don't hold your breath, kid.
So I drowned.
A blonde women's basketball team rallied and then tied up the score at the end of regulation...
...and the coach took out a bottle of wine and handed out glasses to the team.
After imbibing, the blonde team obviously ended up losing.
Coach was asked later by, "Why the early celebration?"
Coach said, "We weren't celebrating, we're not that stupid. I served wine because I heard it always gets better overtime."
A dad takes his special needs son to soccer tryouts.
After his son fails at shooting, passing and set pieces, the coach approaches the father and says, "are you sure your son is cut out for this?"
The father replies, "you haven't seen his best attribute yet."
"What's that?"
"Dribbling."
You know what's weird about the situation in Thailand?
The coach never taught the boys how to dive.
If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...
It'll inspire change within yourself
Yo Mamma so fat...
Yo mamma so fat, that when you were being delivered at the hospital the doctor had to send in a rescue diver. He pulled out you, 11 other kids, and a soccer coach.
Coach always used to say "Aim for the skies, boy".
He doesn't say that anymore after I blinded myself at archery practice.
I was so happy when my coach told me I should be playing in the majors.
Then I realized I was in band class.
A coach full of musicians has broken down on the motorway
Police have said to expect some lengthy jams
My running coach told me to increase the volume of my runs
So I unplugged the headphones and played my music from the speakers instead.
A bus full of Catholics and a coach load of Jews all arrive at the same church
There was mass confusion.
Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach.
My dating coach told me I should suck in my cheeks to look more attractive.
It didn't work and ended up giving me a wedgie.
After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:
When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!
A coach known for disagreeing with the referee's decisions approached the referee after a match and said:
That was a great match!
Oh, really? the referee replied with a smile, clearly flattered.
Yes! I wish you had seen it!
Swimming Coach: "Hey! Why are you doing only the backstroke?"
Swimmer: "Because I just ate, sir. I don't want to swim on a full stomach."
Football joke
Timmy, the goalkeeper of the school team, is sitting on the field after a big loss.
"My boy", an old man said behind him, "I saw you play. I think I can help you"
"Are you a coach?"
"No I'm an eye doctor"
Coach after a lost match: I told you to play like never before...
Not like you never played before!
Before the ball could touch the floor, I kicked it back, sending it soaring past the other players and into the top corner of the net. Overcome with emotion, I ripped off my shirt and punched the air. My eyes locked with my stunned coach, who came running towards me shaking his head in amazement.
As he embraced me, he sighed, "OK, let's go over the rules of volleyball one last time."
A year ago, the Jacksonville Jaguars thought that they found the best coach for their team.
Turns out that was an Urban myth.
Why did the birthing coach buy a red Corvette?
She was having a midwife crisis.
What does a cannibal life coach value in their clients?
*Consistency.*
Source: https://jokojokes.com/coach-jokes.html
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